My Child Wants to Quit Violin: What Helps
Shang Kun 2026-09-21 142
When Your Child Says They Want to Quit Violin
If your child wants to quit violin, the first thing to do is not argue, bargain, or bribe. The urge to quit almost never comes out of nowhere. It usually shows up after a bad practice week, a tough piece, a growth spurt that changed their instrument size, or a social conflict at school. Your job is to slow the moment down and figure out which of those it is.
At Shang Kun Violin (Beijing), I have taught hundreds of families who arrived at exactly this crossroads. The successful ones did not push harder. They changed one or two concrete things and then gave the child a clear, short runway to decide. That runway is usually four to six weeks, not four to six months.
Why “I Want to Quit!” Rarely Means What It Sounds Like
A child saying they want to quit is often code for one of five things:
“I can’t do this piece.” Frustration with a specific passage gets generalised to the whole instrument.
“I’m embarrassed.” They squeaked in front of a friend, or their bow shook at a recital.
“I’m bored.” The repertoire has not changed in months, or they are playing the same three scales every day.
“I’m exhausted.” School, swimming, and violin stacked on the same afternoon means nobody would want to practise.
“I want control.” Quitting is one of the few big decisions a nine-year-old can actually make.
None of these mean the child hates music. They mean something in the setup is broken. Fix the setup and the desire to quit often fades within a month.
What to Say in the First Five Minutes
Do not say “You’ll thank me later” or “We paid for the violin.” Those lines feel like a guilt trip and they close the conversation.
Try this instead: “Okay. Let’s not decide today. Can you tell me the worst part of violin right now” Then be quiet and let them answer. You will usually hear something very specific, like “the shifting part in this piece” or “I hate playing in front of Grandpa.”
Write it down. That detail is your actual problem to solve.
The Four-Week Reset Plan
Give the child a short, honest trial period. Four weeks is enough to test changes without dragging out misery.
Week 1: Cut practice time in half
If they normally practise 40 minutes, do 20. If they do 20, do 10. The goal is to remove the dread of the clock. Ten focused minutes six days a week beats one tearful 40-minute session. If your usual routine involves nagging, swap it for a timed, no-comment practice where you simply sit nearby and listen.
For a detailed way to practise without turning into the practice police, see Helping a Child Practise Violin Without Nagging.
Week 2: Change one piece
Ask the teacher for one piece the child actually wants to play. Film music, a pop melody, a duet with a friend. Keep the technique piece too, but put the fun piece first in the practice order. Motivation follows enjoyment, not the other way around.
Week 3: Check the instrument
A violin that is too small causes hand cramps. A violin that is too big causes shoulder pain and bad intonation. Both make playing feel like failure. A child who has grown two centimetres since September may need a different size. The rough rule: a violin is the right size when the child can wrap their left hand around the scroll with a slightly bent wrist.
If the size is wrong, do not wait for the next recital. Change it now. For sizing details, read When to Move a Child to a Bigger Violin.
Week 4: Let them choose one small performance
Not a competition. Not a graded exam. A tiny performance for one grandparent on video, or a duet with a friend at home. The point is to reconnect playing with a positive human moment.
When the Problem Is the Teacher, Not the Violin
Some children quit because the teacher relationship has gone stale or harsh. A good teacher corrects without making the child feel small. If your child flinches when the teacher’s name comes up, or if lessons end with tears every week, that is data.
Before switching teachers, sit in on one lesson. Watch whether the teacher gives any specific praise. Watch whether the child gets to play something they like. If the answer is no across three lessons in a row, a change is reasonable. In Beijing, a 45-minute in-person lesson with an experienced teacher typically runs 300–600 RMB depending on location and qualifications. Online lessons often run 200–450 RMB for the same length. Do not pay for prestige if the child is miserable.
If you are considering online lessons as an alternative, see How to Get the Most from Online Violin Lessons.
What About the “I’ll Regret It Later” Argument
There is a real risk that a child quits and regrets it at sixteen. But forcing a child to continue something they actively hate for years rarely produces a happy adult violinist. It produces an adult who never touches the instrument again.
The middle path is a negotiated pause. Say: “You can take a break for three months. We keep the violin. We do not sell it. At the end of three months, you can choose to stop for good or start again.” Most children who take this deal either return to lessons or find another instrument they love. Very few feel trapped.
Red Flags That Mean You Should Actually Let Them Quit
Persistent physical pain. Shoulder, neck, or wrist pain that does not go away after a week off is a medical issue, not a discipline issue.
Anxiety symptoms. Stomach aches before every lesson, crying jags, sleep problems. Those outrank any exam.
Bullying or social isolation tied to music class. That is a school problem, not a violin problem, and fixing the violin will not fix the bullying.
Zero joy for six months or more with no improvement despite changes. If you have tried a reset, changed the teacher, fixed the instrument, and the child still dreads it, believe them.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How long should I make my child continue violin before allowing them to quit
A: Give it one full term after the first serious “I want to quit” conversation, plus a four-week reset. That is usually enough time to test whether the problem is fixable. If nothing changes after that, forcing another year rarely helps.
Q: Should I bribe my child with money or toys to keep playing violin
A: Small rewards for practice consistency can work short term, but bribing for continued enrolment teaches the child that violin is a punishment you pay them to endure. Fix the underlying problem instead.
Q: My child says violin is boring. Is that a reason to quit
A: Boredom usually means the repertoire or practice routine is stale, not that the instrument is wrong. Change the music, add a duet, or let them choose a piece. If boredom persists after three weeks of genuinely interesting material, then consider a break.
Q: What if the violin teacher says my child has talent and shouldn’t quit
A: Talent is not a contract. A good teacher should care about the child’s wellbeing, not just their potential. If the teacher pressures you, that is a reason to question the fit, not a reason to override your child’s feelings.
Q: How do I know if the violin is the wrong size
A: The child’s left hand should be able to cup the scroll with a slightly bent wrist while the violin sits on the shoulder. If they have to reach or stretch, the instrument is too big. If their fingers feel cramped in first position, it may be too small. A teacher or violin shop can check in two minutes.
Q: Can online lessons help a child who wants to quit
A: Sometimes. A change of format can reset the routine and reduce travel stress. But online lessons only help if the teacher is engaging and the child gets to play music they like. Read our guide on getting the most from online violin lessons before you switch.
Related Reading
Helping a Child Practise Violin Without Nagging — practical scripts for parents.
When to Move a Child to a Bigger Violin — sizing signs that affect comfort and motivation.
How to Get the Most from Online Violin Lessons — setup, camera angles, and lesson rhythm.
Shang Kun Violin (Beijing) — online and in-person lessons for children and adults.
